a silly name – a serious message

Bullying, Durant, OK

Bullying             Very much more relevant to Jr./Sr. High & it’s all on the power point


Durant, OK July 30, 2011 presented by Vince Sharp


Bullies are made, not born, and it happens at an early age when normal aggression of 2 year olds is not handled well… from psychologytoday.com


Types of Bullies:



Neighborhood bully

Initiates aggression

Characterized as fearless, coercive, tough, and manipulative

Shows little empathy or remorse

The 4th grader with a beard, 185 lbs. w/ a mustache in 2nd grade

He is saying they DON’T have self esteem issues…  they need discipline

They blame the victim = he provoked me, so what I did was justified

Often paranoid, extreme fear




Depend on the aggressor

Usually insecure and anxious

Seek acceptance from the aggressor

Might not do it themselves

Will join in

Being ________’s friend is their social status


Relational Aggressors

“Mean Girls”

Almost always girls



Intentionally isolates peers from social activities and events (not my party!)

Manipulates social relationships

Spread rumors



Anonymity (who and why)

Larger audience (facebook) power/control

Accessibility (hard to avoid)

Can’t see target (don’t know the impact) in some cases face to face bullying can STOP immediately when the bully sees the victim’s FACE and the REACTION (or lack thereof)

Proxy bully/hacker

Videotape embarrassing situations

Challenges to Stop Bullying:

Parent monitoring.

Lack of tech knowledge by parents.

People don’t see the harm in it, it’s often still seen as a normal part of life.

Schools are hesitant to step in, schools afraid of the bully’s parents.


Warning Signs:


Drop in grades

Absenteeism/drop out

Peer rejection

Avoid social situations



Difficulty sleeping

Low self esteem

Come home with torn clothes, belongings

Actual marks, bruises, cuts, etc.


Interventions w/ victims:

Make sure it’s bullying and not teasing or a MISUNDERSTANDING use your brain!

Treat symptoms: depression, anxiety, low self esteem, school problems, unsatisfying social life.

Assist victim in learning assertiveness, social skills and problem solving skills.

Sometimes it requires getting more involved like contacting the school if necessary


Interventions w/ perpetrator:

Trad counseling might not work, often don’t think they need help

Advocate for consistent, non-hostile and escalating punishment (!)

Assist the bully in learning alternate behaviors

Confront excuses that minimize the behavior or blames the victim

Help the youth fully acknowledge their behavior

There are other options

Hold children accountable

Don’t allow rationalizations

Help them set and work toward behavior change

What are they looking to get?  Find another way to get that!!!




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